


Amai Kizu.

by Yui_Miyamoto



Category: Sengoku Basara
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 05:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30134856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto
Summary: A ficlet about Katakura-san reflecting about Masamune at Matsushima Bay…
Relationships: Date Masamune/Katakura Kojuurou





	Amai Kizu.

** Disclaimer: Sengoku Basara isn’t mine. I’m just a Masamune-sama and Katakura-san lover. **   
  
“Kojuurou…how do you write this?” He looks at me with that stubborn impishness even as he’s asking a favor.    
Thrusting the calligraphy into my hand, I take a deep breath and dip it into the small saucer he’s prepared.    
  
He eyes my strokes carefully and when I’m done, he traces his tiny fingers on the kanji:  絆 .   
  
Kizuna.    
I want to ask him why this when he hasn’t even learned the basic ones yet. Let alone the radicals. He’s barely learning to write the hiragana though he can already read them.   
  
But it isn’t my place to.   
  
When he lifts the paper off the small table, he smiles triumphantly and takes the brush one more time, imitating what I’ve done. Though clumsy, it is more beautiful and skilled than I’d expected.   
  
“Hai.” He hands the paper to me.   
Since I cannot speak unless given permission to, I tilt my head thoughtfully.   
  
“I want to give this to you.”   
I take the paper with both of my hands, bowing my head. “Thank you, my Lord.”   
  
But before I know it, he hugs my head tightly.   
  
Without anyone’s prying eyes, he displays his sadness and worries to me even if he is only a little boy. But outside these walls, he’s already pretending to be older than his age.   
  
I can only wonder why he gave this gift to me.    
Where did you learn this character? And why are you giving it to me?   
  
But not long after that, his family name takes him away to train for his future, official duties.   
  
He could never be that openly sweet ever again.   
  
  
** Amai Kizu. **   
** by Miyamoto Yui **   
  
  
I’m running as far as I can.   
  
The world gradually dissolves into lines within my vision. I hold the reins even tighter to let my steed go, forgetting to look around. The irrationalities of a midnight venture seep into my psyche. I must be affected by the madness of the moonlight.   
  
Though I appear to be tranquil on the surface, even I can be disturbed sometimes. I only pretend to embody rationality. As the decoy to his supposed impulsive behavior, He likes to highlight my perfectionist ways.    
However, in this world, there are no such things as faultless surfaces. So from time to time, even thin splinters of doubt infect my mind, heart, and soul.   
  
Howfarwillyougo?What _won’t_ youdo?Whatdoes‘anything’reallyconsistof?Doyoureallydeludeyourselfofhavinga’limit’whenitcomestoHim?Isloyaltyreallyascleanashthewordimplies?   
These questions relentlessly push through my veins, coagulating until they’re ready to explode…   
  
And that’s when I descend from grace.   
  
Far from my own abode by the river and His kingdom upon the hill, I pull the reins and my steed responds with a loud neigh. I pat his hair thoughtfully.   
“Thank you,” I say, looking at him in the eye.   
But even if he’s in place, as soon as I turn, even with all my weighted clothing, I dash to the edge where land meets water and simply scream out every pore of my being. Pointing my head towards the wavering sky, the rims of my eyes burn dryly with my mouth completely speechless.   
  
I miss you, damn it! I want to be where you are!   
The past cannot ever return even if I wish for it with everything I have. Those days have disappeared into another lifetime, haven’t they? Those times when you were little and pouted, needing my aid. When you would ask me questions in between your father’s training.    
When you would run to me without any hesitation.   
  
That person now hides behind all his conceited idiosyncrasies.   
  
But that is unfair of me. The old you and the current you haven’t changed that much, just you are taller and have now become the owner of the title that has long awaited for your arrival to seize control over it.   
  
Yet, I…   
The wind bites into my skin, searing cuts to pull open tiny pieces of flesh. It is not quite spring yet with the quiet snow, but even with all its beauty, the ocean swallows all the frozen chips away.   
  
I stand here not knowing how to swim through it all.    
  
Why can’t you hear me as I stand here pleading at the borderline? But even when I’m screaming from the roots of my soul, it’s bleeding through and through my heart. How can you possibly hear that?   
  
I tried everything I possibly could.    
In every situation, I travel as far as you want me to go. And still, you demand more! Wanting me to push farther than my mental capacity and physical restraints, saying my mind has yet to expand from its defined dimensions.    
But with all my strength, I am willingly digging myself into the ground for you! And you’re watching me do it because we trust one another.    
  
You don’t care about the consequences as long as it’s in your name.   
  
In all the years you’ve been alive, I’ve never been angry with you. But I don’t know if this impending frustration is towards myself or at you. Fighting with all my might on the field, I force myself to exhaustion, enough to forget these inconsolable thoughts about you.   
They, however, rush towards me like the waves. Without reason nor constraint.   
  
Wanting you. Wanting to stop myself from that too.    
  
I know very well you own me though you will never belong to me…   
  
I’m very busy, your Excellency. I have many things to attend to, especially with your recklessness. And yet, you had the decency to hand me more chaotic boxes to categorize, saying, “Please. Do more. I know you can.”   
  
I will kill myself with what you want. With what you think are my capabilities and my limits. I don’t know what the hell you see within me to want this potential so much that you’d take out my ribs just to see the core of me when there’s nothing left under this flesh.   
  
I gave it away already. I thought you already knew.   
  
Didn’t I give it all to you? And yet you’re still ungrateful to say that I didn’t do enough. You’re so greedy to the point you won’t leave me alone until you’re absolutely certain that I’m always next to you, making sure I’ll never have any time to think of other things unrelated to you. It’s unreasonable!   
  
It’s like you want two lives for the price of one.   
  
So where does that leave ‘me’?   
I know my position is unique since I was your wet nurse’s brother, but you’ve always treated me as an equal, as if my opinions _mean_ something to you.    
  
That you respect me…   
  
In exchange, I take all the criticisms and the snide remarks on behalf of your favoritism. I ignore anything said against me because, until now, I blindly serve you to the best of my credibility, which is a pretty deep one.   
  
But am I to sacrifice my soul for you while you can keep your own?    
  
This is what I don’t understand about you!   
That’s unacceptable to me! It’s excessive, even by your own standards.   
  
I may have entered this world before you, but how can you expect all this from me?!   
  
“Kojuurou.”   
  
?!   
  
“My Lord.”    
  
The low octave of his voice, the growl ready to crush my throat, calls my name once more.   
_ “Kojuurou.” _   
  
The way you say my own name…   
Your property has been stolen and you’ll slit anyone’s arteries for thinking otherwise, whether or not it’s irrational.    
All reason is irrelevant when it touches Your rule.   
  
Immediately, I turn away from the sea to lower my head before him.    
  
Again, did you hear my thoughts though my lips are sealed?   
  
I didn’t expect you to discover my flight for solitude. Or at least because of needing rest after the last set of long battles, not so soon. I would have been back before the dawn awakened and touched your feet.   
  
Why couldn’t you wait? Why won’t you leave me alone?   
  
Krsh…Clink…   
Within the sound of waves, I hear his feet approach me with the soft jostles of his armor. He steps through the sand and yanks my chin, smashing my jaw a bit in between his fingers. Haughtily, he interrogates me under the moonlight.   
My eyes remain lowered, analyzing the dark sand between us.   
“What were you planning to do here?”   
“Nothing. I just wanted to think.”   
“Why do you have to do it all the way out by the bay?”   
  
“If you must know, I’ve been coming here for quite some time to clear my head. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to view it in peace.”   
His single eye squints in doubt, delaying his response with a pause. “Bullshit.”   
I become quiet, taking a long deep breath as his eye analyzes my blank expression.    
  
Once he gets this way, I cannot talk my way out of it. Even if I’m telling him the truth.   
  
“You aren’t thinking of…”   
He waits for me to fill in the space, a trap to capture my thoughts.   
  
I refuse to answer, waiting for him to finish this seemingly irrational thought.    
  
Why are we even fighting? And what for?   
  
The door of my flesh cage locks once more, shutting my soul into its abyss. I imagine hearing the creak within my ears.    
  
I’ve just closed myself all over again, haven’t I?   
  
You pick at me all you want, but this is a game we need to both play, isn’t it?   
How much more I have to love and prove it while you scrape away at me, the steel plates of hell over my heart are a weak defense. My silent compliance always the default offense.   
  
After all, I can never win against you.   
And just as equally, I can never win you.    
  
But I hate to lose.   
  
What do you anticipate me to do? No, what _more_ do you want me to do?   
  
As long as the ocean meets the sand, and the sand sinks to be enveloped by the ocean, they exist for each other.    
  
They are next to one another,    
but in a sense, they never truly meet one another, so ingrained,   
they can never separate.   
  
I calmly look at him as I always have. And his hand wanders from my jaw now to my neck, shaking while holding me.   
  
The bitter resentments I hold drift away the very moment I look at His patched eye. I press my lips upon it, kissing it smoothly before turning away to bow and leave.    
It temporarily stuns him.   
  
You don’t know that I know: That’s the part of you that’s the most sensitive. I was the one that made that so.   
Will your new wife discover it on her own, I wonder?   
  
The borderline…   
I wish I could cross it sometimes. The one around my home on the bottom of your hill. The ones outlining your castle. The one that I never seem to break…   
  
around your heart.   
  
However, it’s not something I should spend wasting my time thinking about.   
There is no point,   
  
before or after.   
  
I touch the scar on my face,    
reflecting on my footing of our unstable balance,   
  
the one whose string stretches,   
thinning out the longer   
we stay together,   
  
slowly dying away.   
  
Yes, I know it very well, but can I ever truly accept it?   
  
And my soul keeps plummeting deeper within itself,    
repeating over and over    
to remind me that I can’t escape   
  
because I wish not to.   
  
For this is my amai kizu.   
  
** +/+/+/+/+/ **   
  
How strange…   
  
While dying under the bright light of this pine tree, all I can think is about this memory with you. Is it a coincidence to find out your son is thinking to place that teahouse on the bay where you found me?   
  
But even now, Masamune-sama…   
My Bontenmaru…   
  
You’re the only thing binding me here to this life. I still can’t let go of you   
  
even when I’m forced to say goodbye.   
  
  
** Owari. / The End. **

**Author's Note:**

> Suddenly, I was listening to something and this desperate image came up. It’s not one I would think of Katakura-san, since he is usually calm and gentle whenever I think about him, but surprisingly, this came from the depths of I do not know where…and it made perfect sense somehow. Like a volcano under a lake, those feelings I thought that were lost, were still there…
> 
> A very strong, hot feeling welled up inside of me and I felt melancholic. And then I realized, “Oh…no wonder I thought of him. It’s the anniversary of the earthquake/tsunami.” I usually visit and pray at this time for them every year.
> 
> The Kanrentei is in Matsushima Bay and I like sitting there because it’s peaceful.
> 
> I miss Miyagi-ken so much…I always felt at home there.
> 
> Love,  
> Yui
> 
> According to Jim Breen’s dictionary:
> 
> Amai - sweet-tasting, fragrant (smelling), lightly salted, naïve, not finished properly, insufficient, mild, enticing.
> 
> Kizu - wound, scar, scratch, flaw, disgrace, hurt feelings  
> Kizuna – bond


End file.
